This is my moment, I just feel so alive....

From now on, I'm going to refer to running as therapy.  That's what I got today.  I could have seriously shelled out a couple Benjamins and sat on a couch and tell an objective stranger all that goes on in my strange head.

Instead, I was able to run. And think. And cry.

Have you ever felt relief when someone you know passes away?  I know that most feel a deep sadness, almost despair.  And we mourn because our heart hurts so much.  But yesterday, I felt relief.

She said, "Let me give you some leg" LOL

My grandmother's older sister passed away yesterday.  She was more than my aunt, she was like another grandmother. She was also the matriarch of our family and very well respected on the island of Guam (where my mom's side of the family is from).

She had a way of making everyone feel like they were her favorite.  She sweetly called me her "Princess", and I would call her "Darling", just like my godfather (her grandson) does. 

I was able to visit her last month and even though she couldn't talk or move, I know we connected through her smile and facial expressions, as I talked and held her hand.  As I left her side, I knew that this was the last time I would see her this side of Heaven.  Outside of her room, I cried. A lot. 

So yesterday when I got the phone call from an uncle, my first, split second reaction was relief. She no longer suffers.  She is free.  Then I felt sadness, not for me, but for my grandmother who was only days away from boarding a plane to visit her, and is now the only surviving sibling.  My heart hurts but my soul rejoices.  It's a crazy battle going on in here. 

Today was my first day running since the tsunami.  It felt great to get all the emotion out on the pavement.  It was tough, and I did walk a lot.  When I got sad thinking of my aunt and my family, I used that emotion to propel further and faster.  I didn't even realize I went a mile further than intended!

The best part of the run was when I was moving as fast I could- blisters burning, legs tightening, side cramping, and all. With tears in my eyes from the pain (emotional and physical), I rounded up my run and finished HARD. It was the first time in days that I felt so strong and alive. 

Best. Run. Ever.